My friend Lucy became tired, irritable, and ill. She was dragging herself through her workdays and family activities until she displayed classic signs of burnout.

Lucy went to see her spiritual advisor, who knew her history. He told her, “You are suffering from self-sacrifice.” Lucy had grown up in a religion that glorified carrying the old rugged cross, and defined an individual’s loss as the community’s gain. “Refusing to say ‘no’ has worn you down considerably,” the advisor told her. “Your major life lesson now is to recognize that your greatest contribution to the world is not the acts you do, but the sense of well-being you maintain. When you feel alive, joyful, and empowered, you help people far more than when you burden yourself with guilt-born obligations.”

Hearing Lucy’s story, I realized that I have often taken on tasks and meetings because I wanted to help people, but which caused me undue stress. I have had to practice creating a healthy balance between service to community and wise self-care. A Course in Miracles tells us, “Health is the result of relinquishing all attempts to use the body lovelessly."

In that very Course, dictated in the voice of Jesus, he tells us that people have sorely misinterpreted his description in the Bible as “the lamb of God.” He explains that he never meant to be known as a sacrificial lamb whose blood redeemed the world. Instead, the lamb is a symbol of innocence. He wants us, too, to be the lamb of God by recognizing that God wants us live at our brightest, and not mask the light of the world that we are, with guilty owing.

Religions do not have a corner on the market of deprecating self-sacrifice. Some cultures also inculcate overriding life with death. Many Japanese people, for example, work too hard and deplete their life force. They help their company at the expense of their own quality of life. As a result, there is a very high rate of suicide in that country, and many people push themselves to karoshi, working themselves to death. In the classes I teach for Japanese students, I seek to impart that we are all worthy of living a happy, healthy, productive life, without damaging ourselves.

Take a moment now to consider how much of a role self-sacrifice has played in your life. You will probably recognize that it has cost you more than you have contributed to others. Now consider who you are when you take good care of yourself. You eat well, sleep well, enjoy soul-nurturing activities with people you love, get into nature, and your life represents joyful self-expression. Your self-nurtured self is whom God wants you to be. ACIM Lesson 101 asks us to remember, “God’s will for me is perfect happiness.”

Certainly we want to support others when we can. Helping one another makes the world more like heaven. But not if it makes your life more like hell. Your strongest contribution is the energy you are exuding, rather than particular words or actions. You can be doing all the right things, but if you are feeling self-sacrificial, you are sapping life force from the world. Attitude makes or breaks us more than deeds. The key to physical, emotional, and relationship healing is to tap into the stream of life force moving through you, and discover where the sacred river of life wants to take you. If you know you are worth a rewarding life, you will help the people you care about find theirs.

Lucy made two lists: (1) Stuff I Do Out of Guilt, Fear, Obligation, and Self-Sacrifice; and (2) Stuff I Do Because I Sincerely Feel Moved to Do It. Then she began to methodically quit or diminish the items on List 1, and expand the items on List 2. The next time I saw Lucy she looked infinitely brighter, healthier, and more alive.

You were born to be happy. When you place well-being at the top of your priority list, everything else lines up beautifully. Then you get off the cross you never needed to bear, and inspire the people you love to live their fullest life.

Alan Cohen is the author of many popular books, including the new best-seller Miracles Actually. Join Alan for his life-changing Holistic Life Coach Training, beginning September 1. For information on this program, Alan’s books, A Course in Miracles retreats, weekly online Miracle Room, webinars, YouTube channel, free daily inspirational quotes, and other offerings, visit www.alancohen.com.