The Fastest Route Home
by Alan Cohen, Hawaii
For many of us, relationships have presented a huge challenge, especially romantic ones. We long to be with a wonderful partner whom we can love and be loved in return, and make our life richer. Yet we have also experienced lots of pain in relationships. Some of us have been hurt, burned, or betrayed. Or we feel guilty about foolish or unkind past actions. What we hoped would bring us joy ended up bringing us sorrow. We wonder, “What do I need to know or do to find the right person?” or “How can I make my current relationship work better?”
Despair not. There is hope.
The purpose of all relationships is to help us learn to love more deeply. They are loaded with spiritual gifts and lessons that can empower us to master our entire life. A Course in Miracles tells us that healing our relationships is the fastest way to enlightenment. It may seem attractive to retreat from the world to find peace. For some, this is the best path. Yet most of us will gain more by taking the relationships right before us, and using them to dissolve the illusions that cause us pain.
A yogi went off to a cave and meditated for twenty years until he was enlightened. Then he went into town to buy groceries. There someone bumped into him on the street. So the yogi punched him. He hadn’t quite achieved enlightenment through meditating only. He needed to be with people to be challenged in a way that would help him to learn to choose peace in adverse conditions.
Just out of college, I moved into a house with four buddies. The neighborhood was rather conservative, not quite a match for five non-lawn-mowing, loud-music-listening hippies. As a result, we had ongoing conflicts with our next door neighbor Mrs. Ryan. Complaints, arguments, and threats got worse and worse until a dark psychic smog of resentment hung between our homes.
Then one night I went to a lecture on positive thinking. The teacher asked us to close our eyes and think of someone we weren’t getting along with. Immediately Mrs. Ryan came to mind. “Now send that person love and positive energy,” the teacher invited the class. Although I resisted at first, after a while I was able to feel a bit of connection with my neighbor. For a moment my animosity dropped away, and I saw good in her. The positive feeling lasted for just a second or two, but afterward I felt better about our relationship.
The next day while I was in our garden, Mrs. Ryan approached the fence. I stiffened as I thought, “What’s she going to complain about now?” But instead the woman smiled and said, “I’ve been thinking about you boys. I realized you are actually good guys and I haven’t been the best neighbor. I’d like to start over with you, if you are willing.”
I almost dropped my tomatoes! That act of extending kindness was completely out of character for Mrs. Ryan and our relationship. It was nothing short of a miracle. I told her that of course we would rather be friends, and our relationship moved onto a whole new trajectory. No more upsets or conflict.
Looking back, I realized that the only thing I did differently was to send Mrs. Ryan genuine love, even for a fleeting moment. That was enough to set a huge course correction in motion.
At another time when I was beginning my writing and teaching path, my friend Carolyn was a writer for a popular spiritual magazine. One day she offered to write an article about me for the publication. I got very excited, anticipating the publicity would advance my career.
But then she didn’t follow up. Weeks and then months went by, and I didn’t hear from her. Disappointed, I began to feel resentful for Carolyn not keeping her promise. I began to harbor dark thoughts about her. In my mind, our friendship had gone sour.
Then one day while meditating, I realized that no article was worth ruining our friendship. I really valued Carolyn and wished we could be close again. I decided to forget about waiting for her to write the article, and just enjoy our connection as it was. That felt so much better than indulging anger.
The moment I stood up from the meditation, the phone rang. It was Carolyn. “Hi Alan, I’m ready to do the article. When would you like to schedule an interview?” Once again I learned the crucial connection between my attitude and transforming a relationship.
At this time of year when we celebrate Valentine’s day, we have a huge opportunity to heal all of our relationships, not just romantic ones. If we can find a way to connect at a heart level with people who bug us, even for a moment, we can reclaim the peace we have been sorely missing. It can be a challenge to let go of judgments, hurts, or resentments. But when we do, the reward is great. A miracle is a shift in perception from fear to love, doubt to trust, separation to connection. When we can achieve that, even in little steps, everything becomes new.
Alan Cohen is the author of the new bestseller Miracles Actually. Join Alan for his innovative online program Be Whole Now—A Mastery Training for Visionary Healers, beginning May 5. For information on this program, Alan’s books, ACIM video course, weekly online Miracle Room, webinars, YouTube channel, and free daily inspirational quotes, visit www.alancohen.com.
