Learning Lessons Between Relationships
by Joyce and Barry Vissell, Aptos, CA
The time immediately after ending a relationship can be painful, confusing and disorientating. So much energy has most likely been spent first trying to make the relationship work and then in the process of ending the relationship. The tendency with most people is to distract themselves, become depressed, be consumed with anger for the other person or anger at themselves.
We feel there is a destiny to each relationship, a purpose for bringing two people together. Sometimes, a relationship is long, sometimes short, sometimes easy, sometimes difficult. But regardless of the quality, all relationships come to teach us something important. The key to success is to be continually learning how to open our hearts to the important life lessons.
The time immediately after ending a relationship can be a very valuable period in our lives. If we distract ourselves or rush into another relationship, the gifts and lessons of the previous relationship could be missed. A friend of ours ended a relationship of four years in which a child had been born. He described his life as a giant jigsaw puzzle which had dropped to the ground. Some major pieces stayed together, others separated and scattered. He realized he could quickly gather the pieces and, before the puzzle was whole, begin a new relationship. He saw how, once a new relationship had begun, he would be building a new puzzle without the other one being complete. He realized he needed to take time to bring the broken puzzle to wholeness and this completion would prepare him for a new relationship.
The period between relationships is rich with lessons and growth. Focusing blame on either your partner or upon yourself will blind you to the deeper lessons to be learned. Spend time in silence asking yourself why you were brought together with this person. What is the lesson to be learned? What were the gifts you were able to give in the relationship? What were the gifts you received from the relationship? What further gifts would you like to give and receive in your next relationship?
Then focus on gratitude that you could spend time with this person, even though the relationship did not last. This relationship was a gift given to both of you according to the highest wisdom of both of your needs. As you can feel your gratitude for the relationship, understanding and wisdom, and therefore peace, will come. In time your heart will truly open to the other person and you will feel the blessing of the relationship.
For those of you who have been single for a long time, this work is just as important. No matter how distant your previous relationships, find and be grateful for the lessons learned. No matter how the relationships ended, you can still be grateful for the love that was shared and for the gifts you each gave and received.
The fact that the relationship did not last as long as you had hoped will cease to be important. The realization that you learned and grew and opened your heart will bless your entire life.
Joyce & Barry Vissell, a nurse/therapist and psychiatrist couple since 1964, are counselors near Santa Cruz, CA, who are passionate about conscious relationship and personal-spiritual growth. They are the authors of 10 books and a free audio album of sacred songs and chants. Visit their web site at SharedHeart.org for their free weekly inspirational videos and monthly e-heartletter, their updated schedule, and inspiring past articles on many topics about relationship and living from the heart. A Couple of Miracles: One Couple, More Than a Few Miracles. Semi-Finalist, Book of the Year, Online Book Club.
