Your Pain and Your Story
by Ramaa Krishnan, Wilmette, IL
Your pain is real, but your story may not be.
Are you willing to consider that your story is simply an interpretation of your experience? Are you open to the cause-effect connections you’ve made, may not be the truth? Or at the very least, the absolute, one hundred per cent, correct and complete truth?
Your answer to those questions hold the key to your healing and freedom. For as long as you stay loyal to your stories, you remain loyal to your woundedness.
We all create narratives around our experiences, weaving together memories and emotions to form a cohesive story about ourselves. These stories give us a sense of comfort and sometimes even purpose, but they can also become stumbling blocks to our healing. Rather than addressing our wounds, our stories often protect them, keeping the pain locked in place, concealed beneath layers of narrative that we cling to. The story becomes a shield, preserving the very thing it was meant to heal.
Being human is a deeply rewarding experience, but like all rewards, it comes with its own risks. Reward and risk are inseparable—two sides of the same coin. Despite this truth, most of us resist it. We struggle against the imperfections in our lives: within ourselves, in others, and in life itself. Living in a world that values avoiding discomfort, we endlessly chase an illusion of perfection that doesn’t exist. Our stories keep such illusions in place.
We tell ourselves, if only this happened or had not happened, my life would be perfect. Our “if onlys” keep us in our fantasy, denying the very nature of reality.
Gautama Buddha, the founder of Buddhism, taught that this denial lies at the core of human suffering. Pain, he explained, is an inevitable part of life, while suffering is optional. His analogy of the two arrows beautifully captures this wisdom. The first arrow represents the unavoidable pain that life sends our way—hurtful experiences, challenges, losses. This arrow is beyond our control. However, the second arrow is the suffering we inflict upon ourselves in response to the first. This self-inflicted wound is our choice: how we interpret, internalize, and react to the pain.
The imperfections in our lives are simply part of the deal. We don’t always get to choose the events that shape us, especially in childhood. Unlike animals or birds, that learn survival skills in mere days or months, humans take years—decades even—to reach adulthood. This long journey toward maturity leaves us vulnerable to emotional and psychological wounds. During this phase, we are also told how to think, behave, and who to become, leaving little space for our authentic selves to emerge.
Over time, these experiences obscure our innate wholeness, covering it with layers of conditioning. Even in the best of circumstances, most of us emerge from childhood with wounds—whether they come from our parents, caregivers, teachers, or even other children, just as lost and unsure as we are. Sometimes we are the ones who hurt others; sometimes we are the ones who are hurt. This is part of the shared human experience.
Our wounds may not always take the form of a traumatic event. Sometimes, a simple dismissive remark from a parent or the silent pressure to fit in and conform may have a subtle impact upon us. Yet, these seemingly small hurts accumulate over time, shaping the beliefs we hold about ourselves and the world around us. They create a narrative that limits our potential, keeping us from stepping fully into our authentic selves.
Over time however, the pain of not living our truth catches up with us. Our wounds surface at pivotal moments in our lives, demanding to be healed. And that healing calls for a courageous journey inward. It means revisiting the places where we once felt unsafe, unseen, or unloved and reconnecting with the inner child who still holds the key to our wholeness.
This process isn’t about sticking to some notion of positivity that denies the pain, nor is it about wallowing in self-pity. It is about acknowledging, feeling, and transforming those feelings by doing the inner work. Allowing ourselves to lean into these layers of pain, we begin to accept what we went through with a new understanding, not letting it define us or nurture bitterness against another. We unravel the stories we’ve told ourselves and release them from our system, along with the pain associated with those stories.
When we face our wounds with compassion and acceptance, we open the door to authentic healing. Only then can we step into adulthood—not merely in a biological sense, but as fully realized beings who are no longer bound by the stories of our past. We can choose to release the second arrow and stop adding unnecessary layers of suffering to the pain we’ve experienced. In doing so, we reclaim our inherent wholeness, embracing the imperfections of life with grace and authenticity.
Ramaa Krishnan, born and raised in India, aligned with a spiritual path and purpose from an early age. Her husband's career brought their family to the US in 1998 and she soon began sharing her perspectives and practices with others, helping them to live their lives more consciously. In 2006 she founded Full Bloomed Lotus Center for Self-Awareness. A difficult period in her own life had Ramaa digging deeper, uncovering old forgotten wounds, and exploring a deeper faith, beyond traditional practices. Her first book The Yoga of Self-Love: The Sacred Path to Wholeness and Healing through Inner-Child Work, is a step-by-step guide to self-discovery and healing, underscoring the power of reshaping our narratives, and affirming that while we cannot alter our past, we can find the freedom to change how we perceive it. For more info about Ramaa, visit: www.fullbloomedlotus.com. Her book is currently available on Amazon.com.
