Breaking Through in the Quest for Self-Understanding

by Toni Bergins

The most difficult and worthy journey is the quest for self-knowledge and self-compassion. 

I suffered with a low self-esteem and a self-abusive mind during my early adulthood. Sadly, I know now that I was far from alone in my perfectionist self-judgement. If I were to record my thoughts on an average day, close to 90 percent would be criticism and commentary. These thoughts affect our moods, our bodies, our relationships, and our lives.

It wasn’t until I discovered how to go into an embodied state that I was able to alter my perception of myself. I’ve learned that when you move and dance to music, your senses are awakened, activating your vibrational energy. Your breath and your body come into sync, and, like meditation, your mind actually slows down, releasing the tension, shame, and self-criticism. Reconnecting to your body gives you a broadened perspective to see what’s really going on. You become aware of what needs to shift and you’re able to consciously change your thoughts to a higher inspired possibility. 

Today, I teach my JourneyDance students that the act of coming to the dancefloor is an intentional act of transformation, transmutation, and growth. When you can dance and lean into what you’re feeling, you can see when your thoughts are taking you places you might not want to go, like into sadness or anxiety. With expression and self-inquiry comes knowledge and awareness. Awareness gives you choice. When you move, you become aware that you are the energy and that you can direct that energy to create what you want. 

How to Break Out of Your Box

I have an empowering process you can do in your own home to release old stuck energy of limiting beliefs. My Break Out of the Box process is a way to end perfectionistic thoughts or self-abusive chatter, and keep the limiting beliefs from running your life. Emotion creates memory, and this is how we transmute and change. Try this! 

1. Envision what’s in the box you’ve created. First, think about an old story you need to reframe. What limiting messages, negative thoughts, old habits, or addictions need to be transformed so you can feel free? 

We create boxes in which to live that are made from our limiting beliefs. For some of us this box serves as a protection, and for others the box condemns us to live in conformity or repression. When we investigate by putting the thoughts “outside ourselves” and onto the dance floor, we may see that even though we didn’t intend to live inside a box that’s unhealthy and unloving, we perpetuate it. But once we recognize it, we can change. We can dismantle the old negative judgmental pattern and find our own way to truth. 

2. Feel the structure of your box. With the next steps, play either of these songs I’ve selected for this break out process: “Proxy” by Martin Garrix, or “Bruk Bruk” by Dillon Francis.  

Now, as if you’re a mime, explore the walls of your box. Place your hands in front of your face, palms outward, and slowly move them up, down, to the sides, and to the ceiling to see and feel your box. Apply a bit of pressure to assess how strong your box is and ask, “Is my box made of cloth, wood, or concrete?” Feel it and sense it. 

3. Dance inside your box. Move within the confines of your box. Feel what it’s like to have the box constricting you. Feel the ceiling and the walls you’ve created with limiting ideas, judgments, and repressed emotion. Move to the music in small, powerful ways inside the box. Feel the tightness of this small space. Can you feel in your body what’s holding you back from your possibilities?

Once you’ve gotten the sense of the power of the box, notice what thoughts make up the box. Are they self-critical thoughts, such as that you’re not good enough, you’re too big or too small, you’re a failure, or you’re nothing? I know it’s unpleasant to think about these beliefs, but once you can name them and recognize them, you can choose to think about yourself differently. 

4. Break out of your box. Along with the music, make whatever movements that you need to crack open your box. Make jabbing and pressing movements with your elbows and punching motions with your fists. Kicking the walls with your feet and knees, grunting and yelling if needed. 

After you’ve burst open the walls, don’t forget to smash that imagined ceiling. You can do it! Keep at it until you begin to feel tired of punching, jabbing, and kicking. 

5. Step outside the box. Push your way through the largest crack or hole you’ve made. Walk around the box. Look at it and say out loud, “I see you, box. I’ve got your number. I see how I’ve allowed you to confine me” — or something that feels right to you. 

6. Dismantle the box. Now from the outside of your box, take apart all the pieces. Pull the walls down and throw them on the ground. Pull the foundation up. Gather all the pieces and make a pile on the floor. Take a moment and feel your power.  Then, transmute the remains of the box by composting it into the ground. Jump on it a few times, stomp on it, or bring your hands down to the floor and drum on it. 

7. Declare your liberation from the box. Finally, clap your hands together as though brushing off any remaining dust. Release a loud victorious sound. Then finish this transformative ritual by saying out loud: “I release you, box. That was the old me in there, but now I’m free. I’m powerful. I choose what I believe from this moment forward.”

After completing this practice, sense how powerful you feel. Remember that self-mastery is about choice. You can choose which thoughts you want to believe and which thoughts you can release from past patterns. Start speaking to yourself in a new way, create new pathways, and come back to dance to your favorite song that makes you happy and fills you with joy. Move your body and thank yourself for breaking out of the box. Emotion creates memory and this is how we transmute and change. 

Toni Bergins, M.Ed., is an embodiment trailblazer who has taught at the premier holistic healing centers for the last 27 years. She is on the faculty at the Kripalu Center for Yoga & Health, and has worked there as a movement artist, dance educator, expressive arts workshop leader, and expert in creating transformational workshops. Her new book is, HYPERLINK https://www.amazon.com/Embody-Feel-Transform-Through-Movement/dp/0757325009/ Feel, Heal, and Transform Your Life through Movement (Health Communications Inc., Oct. 29, 2024. Learn more at https://journeydance.com/