A Woodland Valentine
by Diane Lundegaard, Dix Hills, NY
From deep within the pine forest, the song, “chick-a-dee-dee-dee,” of tiny black capped birds, drifted out from the low-lying thickets. February, the month of pair bonding had begun. For Lori the season brought with it uncertainty. From the moment she put down her iPhone her mind had no room for any other thoughts but those of Austin. Hard as she tried, the college co-ed couldn’t remove him from her mind because thoughts of him were part of her, and those thoughts were of a troubling nature. As for Austin, his heart had no room for anyone else but Lori. She had become the driving force of each beat of his heart. The feelings and thoughts they had for each other not only brought them deeper into the Island’s nature preserve where they arranged to meet, but also into a tangle of mind and heart.
They walked towards each other from opposite ends of the suburban woodland. They followed leaf littered sandy paths towards a fallen log, one stripped clean of its branches and wide enough for two. As she walked, Lori took out her iPhone and reread their last text messages. Distracted, she took a mis-step on some uneven ground and stumbled on a small outcrop of rocks, sudden jolts which did nothing to shake her from her escalating negativity and self-absorption. What was the meaning of their last text thread? Did Austin mean to tell her something difficult for him to say? Did his words carry hints of uncertainty? Had her reply betrayed her vulnerability? Was she pretty enough, smart enough, would she earn enough? Would he say that it was over? Austin, unlike Lori, strode through the oaks and evergreen trees with joyful vigor, drawing in deep breaths of the fragrant pine scented air. As his sturdy legs brushed against the sun-drenched seed stalks that guided his way, he felt the wonder of a life to be shared with her.
Had Lori not been engulfed by the often-ambiguous nature of texting, as well as her own insecurities and taken notice instead of the seed stalks that cradled the sun, the squirrels as they scampered through the forest understory, had she heard the song of the chick-a-dees they could have supported her as she walked towards Austin. Lacking that support, she braced herself against the knots in her stomach and the tightness in her chest as she sank deeper into her wayward imagination.
Austin made it to their destination first. When Lori neared the log where they planned to sit, she approached him sideways, as if to hide from him. Austin immediately sensed the perversity of her mood. When she finally turned her face towards his he saw that her dark brown eyes lacked their luster. Color had flushed her cheeks, burnishing them with a sign of her inner turmoil. She rubbed her hands and unable to look steadily into his eyes turned her head away. If only she could have gazed into his eyes, she would have found the reassurance she needed.
Austin didn’t dive into conversation. “Steady,” he said to himself, well aware of the ways in which his own reaction could make things worse. Instead, he reached for the healing powers of nature, towards an evergreen vine. Unfazed by its thorns he picked one of its leaves and pressed the heart shaped love token into her hand.
Lori stared at the delicate evergreen leaf for a moment and then, with the tip of her finger, she traced the leaf’s smooth edge. It was as if she were trying to find her way around the complexity of love. Once again, the chick-a-dees filled the forest with their song. Lori’s face began to soften. Her internal monologue with its unrelenting provocations slipped quietly away. No longer restrained by her imagination’s relentless negativity and self-deprecation Lori’s eyes now looked freely and steadily into Austin’s eyes. She not only heard, but listened to the love song of the tiny black capped birds. Her turbulent inner world relented to an outer world, a calm and peaceful forest which helped, along with Austin’s compassion, to restore her to her senses. No longer a captive of a mindless, senseless story she returned to her true self. Lori now stood firmly in the present moment where she found herself able to give herself wholly to the healing influence of nature and a steadfast wholesome man. When Austin took her into his arms, he felt a heart that no longer raced with anxiety but throbbed with love.
Diane Lundegaard is a freelance writer, and an environmental educator based on Long Island.
